Hierdie stukkie is deur haar geskryf en nou is ek meer as oortuig dat die ding nie vir my is nie, want ek is ‘n softy… ek kan nie met ‘n plan werk nie en ek sal die manne te vinnig jammer kry en voor ek my weer kan kry dan sit ek weer in ‘n posisie  waar ek myself nie gaan uitkry nie.

Internet dating is very much like fishing. With fishing you usually go out with the idea of catching a specific type of fish, but very often end up snagging an old tyre or something equally useless. So, too, with internet dating you hope to catch Mr. Right but most often end up snaring Mr. Very Wrong.

The night before you check your equipment (a.k.a. checking out your wardrobe to decide what to wear); you bait your hook (a.k.a. dressing up and putting on make-up); you cast your line(a.k.a. going to meet the date); you wait for a nibble (a.k.a. see if he pitches); you haul in the fish (a.k.a. check if he can do more than walk and chew gum at the same time); you decide whether or not the fish is worth taking home or tossing it back into the water (a.k.a. deciding whether or not to see the guy again or to fain a migraine and make an early exit.

I quickly learnt to go on midday coffee dates rather then accepting invitations to supper. If your coffee date turns out to be a disaster, you won’t have wasted a whole evening, missing your favourite TV programme and you can still go shopping in the mall. If the conversation dries up you can always check your mail on your cell phone or pretend to be checking a sms while you delete his number from your phone.

Supper dates can be a mine field. I usually know within the first five minutes whether or not the evening is going to be a success or a calamitous failure – doomed to inane chatter, pregnant pauses, mouthing of platitudes or boring monologues by my date of his sexual prowess, ex-wife/girlfriend who doesn’t understand him, his wealth, health……or that dreaded killer of conversation ~ The Blue Bulls!

If the guy looks like Woody Allen with the personality of a dead trout, you order a salad, go to the loo and phone a friend – tell her to call you back to say that your house is on fire! Or hide in the loo and pray that your salad has arrived by the time you get back to the table. Tell your date that you think you left the iron on at home, ask for a doggy bag (a girl’s got to eat) and beat a hasty retreat.

How to avoid the good bye kiss. Tricky one…. I can invariable tell if a guy wants to kiss me –usually under the pretext of walking you to your car. Be proactive. Thank him for the evening. When you get close to your car, give him a hug while pressing the remote button to unlock your car (the sound of the unlocking car will distract his attention), jump in your car, lock the doors, open the window just a crack, smile, start the car and drive away …..